Should Men Pay for the Bill?

🧠 Should Men Pay for the Bill?

Hello Gravy Babies, please be seated, hopefully with a massive cup of black coffee, because I have a thought experiment that requires full attention.

I want you to picture a Dutch person.

The sun beams down, the sky blue like a cartoon. A cyclist zips past, pedaling not out of haste but with admirable athleticism. His wooden-clogged foot hangs a turn through a tulip field, past the windmill, to meet his milky-skinned, pig-tailed, 5'10" beauty queen for date night.

Being raised on lager instead of formula, the two share three pints, barely buzzed, before breaking into a meal of stamppot, haring, and bitterballen that could double as cannonballs. The lovers’ legs tap underneath the wooden table, their fingers intertwine like a Bavarian pretzel as dinner winds down.

A jovial, somehow god-like waiter (seriously, why is everyone here so beautiful?) nods his approval as the couple pass on dessert, clearly saving room for something sweeter back home. Out of his leather apron, he palms not one but two checks, placing them neatly on the table. Without hesitation, both reach for their cards.

For going Dutch here is just paying the bill the normal way.

Like so many phrases I google, sometimes I am a little shaken by the rabbit holes it points me to.

Uh-oh.

The origins of “Going Dutch.”

It turns out “going Dutch” was not born out of tulip fields or egalitarian love stories. It came from seventeenth-century rivalry, when the English coined “Dutch” phrases as insults during the Anglo-Dutch wars.

“Dutch courage’ meant being drunk.
A “Dutch treat” meant no treat at all.
“Going Dutch” meant you were stingy enough to make everyone pay their own way.

A phrase that started as a mockery of fairness evolved into the modern symbol of it.
Equality born from insult.

That alone is wild enough, but it also sets the perfect stage for the reason I wanted to look at this in the first place.

If the phrase is rooted in division, how did splitting the bill become a gesture of respect?

A 2025 survey of 2,000 singles found a clear generational pattern:

• Gen Z: Only 36% think the man should pay. Nearly half prefer to split or have the planner cover it.

• Gen X: 45% still expect the man to pay.

• Boomers: 42% expect the same.

• In a 2022 LendingTree poll, Gen Z were again the most likely to say “split it” or “the asker pays.” The younger you are, the less you see paying as something the man should do.

That is progress in real time, right? A quiet feminist victory tucked into a dinner ritual.

If equality means shared power, I guess it makes sense to share receipts.

Since the beginning with Erica, we have been roughly 50/50. During lean freelance months, she has picked up the full tab without hesitation. It has never felt transactional, just part of the rhythm of being a team.

Still, there is something in the data that is hard to ignore. I feel it in myself, but when you dig into it, there are some pretty wild stats that point to the asymmetries of the male and female relationship.

Men statistically gain more from relationships, with longer lifespans, better health, and lower rates of depression.

• Married men have about 40% higher household income than their unmarried peers, even after controlling for age, education, and race.

• Men who never marry have a 58% greater chance of dying within a given decade compared to those who are married.

• Lifelong bachelors are more than twice as likely to die within five years of a serious diagnosis as married men.

In almost every measurable way, men appear to benefit more from partnership than women do. That does not mean women do not gain. It just means the asymmetry is real.

Which is why the “who pays” question feels heavier than it looks. 

Maybe an equal split isn’t the best move.

Especially on a first date.

The goal should be to get to a place where picking up the check does not sting. 

That is not about showing off. It is about demonstrating that you have built enough stability that generosity does not cost you. That is a flex.

But there is more to it than the economics. There is something about paying that sets a tone. It creates polarity. It demonstrates initiative, confidence, and capability, the same traits that tend to attract the kind of woman who values what you bring to the table.

Because when you can afford to pay, you can also afford to choose.

Paying the bill is not about buying affection or performing chivalry. It is about selection.

It filters for women who appreciate gesture but do not demand it. It signals that you take the moment seriously. It hints that maybe you are auditioning for something beyond dinner.

So maybe the first date is the exception. Maybe splitting the bill is the graduation phase of a relationship, not the opening act.

If we benefit more, maybe the check isn’t about generosity or dominance. Maybe it’s gratitude.

Because what we’re really paying for isn’t dinner. It’s partnership.

And partnership, like most good meals, only works when everyone brings something to the table.

💨 Have Your Cigar and Smoke It Too

I originally got into fitness via heartbreak. My high school crush did not share the same feelings. I went full bro mode. If I could not have the girl, at least I could have a six pack. It took me six years to go from vanity-fueled lifting to actual curiosity about health.

Wait a second, plastic bottles are bad? What about the milk jug I have been drinking out of for two years? Next you are going to tell me I should not keep my phone in my pocket because it is killing my balls.

I call this phase The Optimization Middle. It is the part of the journey where you think if you just buy one more supplement, you might transcend mortality. Huberman is God and you are his disciple.

Five years later, I am out of that nonsense. The habits stuck, but I am less insufferable about them. My water lives in an emotional-support Hydroflask, fed through a fluoride-filtered Berkey. I am chill about food now, even though gluten still feels like a personal attack.

Some of my current habits would look like a middle finger to the idea of health. My daily cigar practice, for example. We all have to die from something, right? My 6 p.m. stogie is canonized in my ritual bank. But recently, the cognitive dissonance between my healthy-ish lifestyle and the cancer stick I torch daily (I am not inhaling, it is not that bad!!!) has started to show through.

So I did a little digging. If cigars are really this bad, is there anything I can do to not die faster?

Turns out most of the big-ticket items were already handled, thanks to years of obsessive optimization.

The Obvious Stuff
Fitness: daily lifting, long walks, consistent cardio base
Nutrition: high protein, whole foods, smart carbs, omega 3s
Recovery: sleep hygiene, hydration, low-stress baseline
Environment: cleaner air and water, moderate alcohol, minimal junk

The Supplementation Stuff
Antioxidants: Vitamin C (2–3 g) and Vitamin E (~1 g)
Omega 3s: Fish oil (3–4 g EPA/DHA)
Curcumin: daily dose for inflammation control
Magnesium glycinate: for vascular tone and sleep
Polyphenols: green tea, berries, pomegranate, dark chocolate

But the mouth is where the real battle happens. Smoke meets tissue, irritation builds, and that is where the risk begins.

Here is the philosophy behind my newest ritual, part science and part redemption arc.

pH Reset: Baking soda neutralizes acidity and irritation.
Antioxidant Coating: Green tea extract binds to oral tissue to buffer oxidative stress.
Microbial Balance: Xylitol starves bad bacteria without wrecking the good ones.
Circulatory Support: A touch of alcohol boosts penetration so antioxidants actually stick.

This rinse does not erase the risk. It simply shifts your mouth from ashtray back toward neutral.

The Mouth Rinse Protocol – 16 oz Batch

(One Bottle. One Month. Daily Ritual.)

What You Need
1 × 16 oz amber glass bottle
400 ml distilled water
10 ml Horbaach Green Tea Extract
40 ml vodka
2 tsp baking soda
Optional: 2 tsp xylitol + 4–6 drops peppermint or spearmint oil

How to Make
Mix. Pour. Shake.

How to Use
After your cigar: swish 30–60 seconds, gargle, spit.

Consistent daily use neutralizes acidity, flushes residue, and keeps your mouth from turning into a smoker’s museum.

📚 Things Worth Your Time

🚽 Tushy Bidet
Got my dad one of these. He hated it. Said he didn’t like his balls getting wet. Me? I love it! I have one in both bathrooms. Vacations aren’t as nice now that I know I am away from my Tushy. Another contributor to traveler’s constipation, probably. These things are surprisingly affordable and you will pay it off fast with the money you save on excessive toilet paper use.

🧴 Replacement Dish Soap Dispenser
Fellas, we have so much potential. It might seem like a herculean task to become the man of your dreams, but in my experience, the journey happens one small upgrade at a time. Attention to detail compounds. How you do one thing is how you do everything. Start by replacing that nuclear-blue Dawn bottle with a clean refillable dispenser on your kitchen sink. The road from frat bro to suited-up Wall Street tycoon has many exits, but this at least gets you on the highway. Find something that fits your vibe, plenty of options on Amazon.

👖 Clothing Clear Out
I got rid of twelve pairs of pants last week. Didn’t even know I had them. Some I held onto for years hoping the inspiration would strike. Others fit weird and will never fit right, no matter how much dust they gather under the bed. A clothing purge feels incredible. Less choice means more peace. More space means permission to hunt for better pieces. Bonus points if you have a second-hand store nearby that buys clothes. I made a hundred bucks! 

🔜 Coming Soon

Out Now – Spit Like a Man (IG)
It might be the sound that disgusts me about spitting. Always a parking lot, some dude in construction boots getting off a shift, grabbing an eighteen-pack of Miller High Life to wind down. I just do not get it. I do not understand the purpose. Yet I grew up watching old westerns where men spat chewing tobacco into spittoons from a porch’s distance away. Thought it was pretty cool back then. So what happened? What does it mean to spit like a man now?

11/6 – Not a Dawn Advertisement (IG)
We have a lifetime to figure ourselves out, but somewhere between a freshman dorm and a liberal arts philosophy class, a lot of us decide capitalism is the enemy. The intention is good. Slave labor bad. Greed bad. Western materialism bad.
Ok, Connor, but why are you still rocking the neon-blue bottle of Dawn like a corporate shill for Big Soap? Upgrade your dispenser. Maybe read an econ book. Excited for this one.

✌ Until Next Time

Us meat bags (humans) are biological machines. Paying the bill, training, even swapping your dish soap, it is all calibration.

Too much equality and you lose polarity. Too much optimization and you lose joy.

If you are on a date this week, maybe grab the check. If you are at home, maybe grab a nicer soap dispenser. The details say more about you than your bank account ever will.

DMs always open.