The Gym Isn't Therapy

Men Need Two Things

“The gym is therapy.”
I hear that one a lot. Even if it’s not spoken out loud, spend enough time in a gym and there’s an energy you pick up on.

The same kind of energy you feel when you step into an urgent care waiting room. No two people the same, but a unity that bonds us all. We’ve all got something different going on, a nagging sore throat, a quiet “my balls really hurt” whispered to the triage nurse, a flip-flopped guy in the corner with what looks like a screw sticking out of his big toe, but we’re all here for the same thing: a solution.

Urgent care vs. ER.
It’s kinda obvious, but I never really thought of it.
Urgent care is for things that hurt.
The ER is for things that could kill you.

So when someone says “the gym is therapy,” I get it. I’m always happy to hear the gym praised in any context. It’s well-meant. It reminds me of that scene in Fight Club where Meatloaf’s character Bob (“Bob had bitch tits”) embraces Ed Norton in a sweaty, tear-streaked hug. A big oaf of a man, estrogen oozing from his pores, standing brave enough to admit he knows there’s a problem but not quite sure how to articulate it.

When these guys say “the gym is therapy,” what I want to ask is, how do you feel about therapy therapy?

Copular Metaphors vs. Conceptual Metaphors

Language is fun. Pay attention long enough and you’ll learn a lot about a person by the words they use. Pay extra attention (and have way too much time on your hands to write a newsletter about it), and you’ll learn a lot about culture and where it’s headed.

Copular metaphors use “is” to link two things that share some traits but aren’t the same thing. 

“Time is money.” 
“Love is war.” 
“The gym is therapy.” 

These phrases sound poetic, but they compress complex realities into shorthand. Repeat them long enough and they evolve into…

Conceptual metaphors, ideas so widely accepted they stop sounding figurative. 

“Time is money” stopped being poetry decades ago. It’s just how we live now.

“The gym is therapy” stops being a cute phrase and starts shaping how men believe they’re supposed to heal.

The message becomes:
Sweat equals self-work.
Pain plus discipline equals emotional health. 

But if we start treating therapy and training as synonyms instead of complements, we lose half the equation.

The gym can be therapeutic, sure. But it’s not therapy.
Muscles are the body’s journal, and lifting is a beautiful way to write, but at some point, you have to read what you’ve written. And more importantly, know why you’re writing in the first place.

Men who do the work, meal prep, progressive overload, sleep hygiene, are often the ones still quietly losing it. (Me me me). The barbell doesn’t lie, but it also doesn’t listen.

You can be disciplined, shredded, admired, and still have a mind full of unprocessed junk.

The gym becomes a convenient bin to dump all your psychological waste in, but it never stops building up.

So the question becomes:
Is the work we’re doing in the gym running toward a goal, or away from a fear?

My first therapy session was when I was seven. I was a weird kid. My parents didn’t know what to do, bless their hearts, so they took me to therapy. There have been long gaps between sessions, but that’s over twenty-five years of therapy on and off under my belt. You’d think I’d be a little less weird by now. No such luck. lol.

The first time I stepped into a gym, it came from a less-than-ideal fuel source. 

It started when a girl didn’t like me, and eventually distilled into “I don’t really like me either, so I better change.”

Yes, I got a better body in the process, and that certainly added some self-esteem too. I still get a chip on my shoulder every compliment from the old ladies at the grocery store.

“Are you a bodyguard?”
“No ma’am, but you certainly look worth protecting.”
(Old lady shutters.)

I could have stopped there, and I think many bros do. Especially in a culture that slowly accepts the phrase “the gym is therapy.”

I hear it even from my heroes. But it shouldn’t replace the internal self-work.

And yeah, that sounds fruity, but I’ll put it in bro terms: the pumps are greater, the abs more satisfying, when they’re built on the pursuit of excellence, not the avoidance of pain. 

Pulled toward artistry, not away from history.

It’s been over a year since my last therapist after a stint of growing out of each other. Things are going well in my life. I feel better than ever. But I can still sense the bin filling up.

I can feel the need for another outlet.
The gym builds the body.
Therapy reminds me what I’m building it for.

Most of us treat our heads like our bodies.
We hit the gym like it’s urgent care - patching symptoms, chasing quick fixes, pretending the pain isn’t that bad.

But therapy get’s treated like ER. You don’t go because it’s convenient. You go because ignoring it might be fatal.

Men need two things: the gym and therapy. 

🍫 Building Your Protein Bar Tolerance

I used to get the toots from a single bite of a Quest bar. Now I’m silent all the way up to eight. A PR I’m not proud of, but some long travel days and an autistic fear of airport food got me there.

Wanna build your protein bar tolerance too? Here’s how.

Most people think that getting digestive problems from a protein bar, or any artificially sweetened treat for that matter, means the product is bad. That somehow the science brick of macros and deliciousness is an inferior product. That is not true.

We are the inferior product.

How collapsed our world has become. Once, we were tanned, scantily clad gods fending for survival with sharpened stones tied to tree branches. Do you think those cave gentlemen worried about tummy trouble?

The Science of Protein Bar Farts

Let’s dig in briefly.
Sugar alcohols like erythritol, maltitol, and sorbitol, along with certain soluble fibers such as inulin and chicory root, are fermented by gut bacteria when they are not fully absorbed. That fermentation process releases hydrogen and methane, which means one thing: music from your body.

The good news is the human body adapts. The same way you build tolerance for caffeine, you can build tolerance for protein bars. A little persistence and your gut microbiome becomes the hardest worker in the room.

On the other side of discomfort is bliss. I now look at protein bars not out of judgment but like any delicious food item a caveman might admire, a fistful of foraged sorrel salad offered by his cave-lady, followed by a slab of charred caribou.

Quest Bars had my allegiance for years. Cookies & Cream Hero Bar, Blueberry Cobbler, and the OG Cookies & Cream are still in rotation. But David Bars have taken the top shelf in my pantry.

What I love about David Bars is that they actually taste a little healthy. Science seems to have spent the last decade trying to make protein bars taste like candy bars, and they succeeded. The macros are fine, but I miss the nostalgia of that early-2000s “this tastes kinda bad, but not terrible” flavor.

I am still hunting their Salted Peanut flavor, but here is my current ranking system so you know how I grade.

To calibrate: a 10/10 is Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns (RIP, discontinued). A 5/10 is a raw carrot, respectable but not craveable. For a protein bar, 8/10 is perfection: tasty enough to crave, not so good I would end up turning tricks on a Highland Park street corner for a late-night macro fix.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough – 7.5/10
Distinct artificial butter taste (in a good way) and pleasant saltiness. Feels like salt crystals are floating in the batter.

PB Chocolate Chunk – 8/10
Pretty much perfect. My only baggage is an unfortunate incident involving a full PB chocolate cheesecake and eight hours with my head in a toilet. Story for another time.

Fudge Brownie – 7/10
Delivers exactly what it promises, just a bit one-note. Sprinkle some flaky salt on top and you are golden.

Blueberry Pie – 7/10
The most interesting bar I have had. Boldly acidic, rare in a protein bar. Pairs surprisingly well with PB Chocolate when you are eating duos, which I am wont to do.

Cake Batter – 6.5/10
Sweet, simple, one-note, but fun.

Cinnamon Roll – 8/10
Cinnamon bias fully admitted. Tastes right, does not send me running to the mall for a Cinnabon relapse.

Red Velvet – 7.5/10
Still no idea what red velvet is supposed to taste like. Chocolatey? Sort of. Mostly it just tastes red. Cannot explain it better. Red velvet is a vibe.

Amazing macros on these things, and at least in my case, zero digestive distress. Could be my iron-clad stomach, but give it time, you will get there too.

Pro tip: grab a full box online. Buying singles in-store will drain your wallet faster than your glycogen stores.

👉 Grab a box of David Bars here

📚 Things Worth Your Time

🪥 Toothbrush Subscription via Amazon
I’m 32, which means I’ve owned approximately 17 toothbrushes in my lifetime. Disgusting, I know. But on the other side of vulnerability is progress. It finally occurred to me to stop outsourcing my toothbrush replacement strategy to the literal disintegration of bristles and instead rely on the ruler of the universe: Amazon. I’ve now got one auto-delivered every month. Feels a bit more adult, a lot less disgusting.
👉 My Favorite brush

📚 Used Books
Erica and I updated our book nook this week. I’d put it off far too long. Turns out the fix wasn’t stumbling across a seven thousand dollar Eames chair but a hundred bucks’ worth of flipped IKEA shelves. Finally our books have a home, and now I want more.

I’ve been a Kindle girlie for five years, so most of my favorites are digital. But I still like seeing them in the flesh (paper flesh). Goodwill is always worth a dig, but I’ve been loving ThriftBooks when I want to get strategic.

Gents, books are the ultimate home decor. They never go out of style.

🧠 Philosophy Quiz (For Friends Who Hate Small Talk)
If you’re like me and absolutely hate small talk, or just enjoy watching people get confused and slightly angry, this one’s for you.
Try this Philosophy Experiments quiz next time you’re hanging with friends. The questions range from trolley problem variations to opinions on assisted suicide.

Guarantee you won’t make it past five questions before someone’s having an existential crisis. It’s a great way to strengthen the curiosity muscle, learn how your friends think, and maybe weed out the boring ones too.

🔜 Coming Soon

 Out Now –  Men Should Pay (IG)
This one started as a hunt for the origins of the phrase going Dutch and spiraled into a full-blown exploration of feminism, anti-feminism, and how we talk about fairness in relationships. As usual, it took a few scenic detours before finding the landing strip. The feedback’s been great so far, and I think I actually landed the plane this time.

 11/13 – Be A Better Bro: Upgrade #2 (IG)
Apparently, I might have the first video on Instagram about dish soap with over 40K views. You guys seemed to dig the first Bro Upgrade, so we’re keeping it rolling. This next one is about cable management.

We all have that ugly knot of wires taking up counter space in the corner of the room we pretend nobody sees. I see. Let’s fix it. One more step toward ascension, kings.

✌ Until Next Time

Work hard. Eat protein. Call your therapist.
If the weight becomes too heavy to bear remember you don’t have to carry it on your own. 

DMs always open. 

Michael xo