Toxic Masculinity & Tacos

🧠 I Have a Dick, Do I Suck?

Hello Cinemagravy babies. I’ve been thinking deeply about two things lately.

One: how to sneak extra leg volume into my training split (I’ve finally committed to a sixth day).

Two: am I a toxic man?

To get there, I had to dust off the old psych books I studied in college. Back then, I thought nihilism was the cure for my angst the same way every overweight white woman in the 2010s thought keto was the cure for theirs. You drop a few pounds of water weight, or in my case shed a little light on why life feels meaningless, only to realize the scale stops moving and you’re just more depressed.

That was Nietzsche. A lil' background: nihilism says life has no inherent meaning, no objective morality, no cosmic scoreboard. Sounds edgy at 20. Feels empty at 25.

Fast forward a few years and I found Jung. Instead of abstract meaninglessness, he gave me the shadow. To Jung, we all have darker impulses and traits we repress. Not evil, just human.

Toxic masculinity (defined by Reddit):

From r/explainlikeimfive:
“Toxic masculinity describes a type of masculinity that advocates that certain behaviors are required for a man to be a real man.”

From r/ask:
“Toxic masculinity is when masculinity is used in a way that harms oneself or others (men are less likely to go to the hospital when they need it because it’s emasculating to admit to weakness, men are more likely to be violent because they’re just being macho etc.).”

From r/AskFeminists:
“Toxic masculinity is the misogynistic hyperperformance of masculinity, taken to the extent of self-destructive and antisocial behavior. Hyperperformance here means obsessively and exclusively performing masculinity beyond the extent that is normally expected of an emotionally healthy man.”

The consensus:
At its simplest, toxic masculinity is the set of cultural expectations that push men toward aggression, emotional suppression, dominance, and entitlement in ways that harm both themselves and others.

Now, if Jung were alive today, I don’t think he’d say “eradicate it.” He’d say “integrate it.” The shadow isn’t meant to be denied. It’s meant to be recognized, understood, and directed.

• Aggression can turn into discipline, drive, and the courage to defend.

• Stoicism can be a mask, but it can also be the steady hand in chaos.

• Dominance unchecked is abuse, but channeled it can be leadership.

• Competitiveness can poison relationships, but it can also push a community forward.

Jung’s defense is not that these traits don’t exist, but that they do. Pretending they don’t is what makes them leak out in destructive ways. Integration means you don’t shame yourself for being wired a certain way, you find where it helps instead of hurts.

If you comb through those Reddit posts with rose-tinted glasses (the kind that let you be charitable to internet trolls), a lot of these opinions actually make sense. But nuanced debate is rarely what me and my male peers hear. The presence of any of these characteristics gets lumped into the toxic bucket.

That leaves men with two bad options. One: say "fuck it", embrace the label, and go full send because “the world hates me already.” Two: tamp down the urge, mask it, and perform the way you think you should. Neither sound like good options to me. Neither is how we treat other diagnoses.

ADHD? We don’t tell people they’re broken. There's entire corners of the internet dedicated to giving them language, therapists to help with strategies, doctors who prescribe medication - to help them operate in the world. Same with anxiety. Same with depression.

Masculinity? We take traits that might be biologically baked in and frame them as moral failings instead of shadows to integrate.

If some or all of these traits show up in your life, there’s a good chance that’s hardwired in you. That’s biology. Like being born in LA, it’s in my DNA to turn anything into a taco. The question isn’t “do you suck?” The question is “how do you make it macro friendly?”

🌮 Dopamine 

Tuna Poke/Ceviche Tacos

My newsletter niños. With loyalty comes early access. Dropping a recipe vid this week, the first of many more “be like me” style vids on IG. This one’s special. A legacy meal. The first to be added to my list of macro-friendly yet guest-pleasing dishes in a while. You get to feast on it first.

Every once in a while, a dish sneaks its way into my personal hall of fame. This is one of them. A little Hawaiian poke, a little ceviche, and a whole lot of LA white boy energy. Makes 12 tacos

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs frozen Ahi tuna (dethawed)

• 1 bunch scallion, finely chopped

• 1 bunch cilantro, finely diced

• 1 large roma tomato, chopped

• 1/2 red onion, diced

• 3 cloves garlic, minced

• Juice of 3 limes

• 1 tbsp sriracha

• 1 tbsp Tapatio

• 1 tsp fish sauce

• 1 tsp citric acid

• Salt to taste

• 12 5" corn tortillas (I like Banderita yellow corn)

Sauce:

• 6 tbsp light mayo

• 6 tbsp 0% FAGE yogurt

• 1/2 tbsp chili powder

• 2 cloves garlic, minced

• 1 tsp MSG

• 1 tsp soy or fish sauce

• 1 tsp citric acid

• 4 drops stevia

• 1 tsp sriracha

• 1 tsp Tapatio

Optional Toppings:

• Finely shredded cabbage

• Sesame seeds

Method:

1. Chop tuna into small cubes. Toss it in a bowl with scallion, cilantro, tomato, onion, garlic, lime juice, hot sauces, fish sauce, citric acid, and salt. Let it marinate for 10 to 15 minutes while you make the sauce.

2. Mix all sauce ingredients in a small bowl until smooth. Adjust seasoning: more heat, more acid, more umami, whatever your tastebuds are craving.

3. Load up tortillas with the tuna mixture, drizzle sauce on top, and finish with cabbage and sesame seeds if you are feeling extra.

For tortillas, I like the brand Banderita. Their yellow corn holds up pretty well compared to some of the other macro-friendly tortillas out there. A carb is a rare sight for me most dinners, so anything is always a treat. A real flex would be to give them a nice char on a stove flame, but I find a flash in the microwave with a moist paper towel does just fine (and is about as lazy as me).

👨‍💻 Downloadable recipe here. 

📚 Things Worth Your Time

🎶 My Cosmic Griddle Playlist – Spotify
Early AM, cup of java in hand, big project on deck. You need a jolt of groove and nostalgia, the kind only an era of music where people actually said “java” could deliver.

🧂Citric Acid – Amazon
I’m at the point where I might need a system to track what I’ve already shared in this newsletter, but I’m pretty sure I haven’t dropped this one yet. Citric acid is one of the greatest kitchen staples in existence. Load up. You’ll need it for most recipes I share. Acid is a big staple in the gravy house, and this stuff is fairy dust you can sprinkle on anything to jazz it up.

😖 5 Common Habits That Make People Instantly Dislike You – Charisma on Command
What does it mean to be a man right now? Been studying a lot on this topic and rediscovered this channel. This particular vid is not directly related to masculinity, but it hits. Made me think of one person I know who fits the Brie Larson category perfectly. Watch so you can better articulate why that one person you know kinda just sucks.

🔜 Coming Soon

Out Now – Sit Like A Man (IG)
I’ve been reflecting on what I want out of my brand, where I’m at now, and where I’d like to be in the future. One thing is clear: I can’t always play it safe. Progress lives in the envelope-push. This video is my first real attempt at ruffling some feathers.

9/17 – Gravy Code, Video 1 (IG)
You read that right, a Wednesday drop. A new pillar of the Cinemagravy house is being built. Sunday is Sunday Gravy School. Wednesday is Gravy Code. These are the rules I live by, the routines I follow. Think of it as a cheat-sheet on being more like me. Expect food, fashion, fitness, and banter. This week is a lower-lift effort: some sexy food porn plus my musings on being an orthorexic disguised as a benevolent dinner host.

9/21 – Toxic Masculinity (IG)
Another Sunday, another stab at playing armchair psychologist. This time I’m digging into the origin story of the phrase “toxic man” and the ONE SHOCKING STAT that explains why more men are finding their way to Joe Rogan podcasts.

✌ Till Next Time

Men (and the few ladies who read this), let me know if I’m off on this toxic masculinity idea. What’s your experience been like? My DMs are always open for discourse. Selfishly, I’m just trying to collect as sharp a picture as I can for my own therapy.